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Sleepless Rant

October 17th, 2005 (07:46 pm)

current mood: lost

I just ... have no words. There are a few trite adjectives to describe my mood right now, the most pertinent being sleep-deprived.

I closed Starbucks last night. Slept for three hours. Then opened it. I hate that fucking place. There's alot of passive aggressive bullshit, cliquiness, schedule conflicts, and a million things to do that have to be done within the span of hours, catering to a number of employee/manager standards.

I want to quit. I'm going to quit. I had an interview with Blockbuster today. I'm praying I get in there. It cannot possibly be worse. Nothing feels right.

Although ... in the grand things of Greg life, it doesn't matter. I am ... so fucking ... depressed? No ... but borderline. Dissatisfied still fits the bill. I cannot believe where my life is right now. I'm doing exactly what I always said I never would. I'm trapped in a never-ending tedium of work, home, work, home, work, home. I have no friends here. New Paltz seems like a million years ago. Everyone I love seems to be gone, or at least doing something better than hanging out with me.

I'm trapped in this literal box, with a father who seems to be growing rapidly tired of my stasis, a stepmother who looks at me as though I was a painting she rather not have hanging, and a little brother who's childish curiousity seems to have no end.

Trapped, trapped, trapped.

I want to go back to school, but it seems like almost a surrender to the forces of being Grown-Up. It doesn't seem like it's going to happen.

I'm so tired. My brain is like mush, and gravity seems to be pulling on me extra hard.


Posted by: Dulari (dularigandhi)
Posted at: October 18th, 2005 12:48 am (UTC)

i know exactly what you mean about that routine. i never thought that mine would be so ... routine.

miss you, hun. can we be friends and hang out?

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