August 29th, 2005 (03:44 pm)
current mood: waiting?
current song: "Such Great Heights
" - Iron and Wine
I can feel the energy waning, and for the life of me, I don't know what to do to replenish it.
This last week has been a return to the familiar, on all sides. My clothes went into the same drawers, I rode in the same car, sat in the same place at the dinner table. I must've reiterated how great the trip was until I almost wished I didn't go.
Having Kristen back at my side has definitely been a much-needed detail in my life. But in one more short month ... it'll be her time to leave. For the first time ever. I'm honestly not even thinking about it. It seems so far away. Kristen not here? No way. When she leaves, I know that Long Beach will become dead to me. And for the most part, I will not mourn it.
Resume. I went out to the Village this past Thursday, combing the blocks to see if I could find a cool little job where I can comfortably wear my girl pants and perhaps even meet the Dork of my Dreams. I didn't stop to think that the little independent shops probably wouldn't have applications for you to neatly fill out. You need a RESUME! So I need to do that, but trying to motivate myself has proven rather difficult. As it is, I have filled out apps to H&M and Barnes & Noble. Confidence level: 18%.
Spent Friday night with Daniel Ferris. Went to see The Management and Montreal. Both really good bands. Montreal made me happy because of the keyboardist locking eyes with me when she would play the cow bell. I giggled and cheered. She loved it. I totally <3 cow bells. Afterwards, Fer and I just chilled on his roof, watching the clouds, admiring the New York skylight. I know now that no matter where I go, no place will ever compare to the NYC. Good conversation followed. I'm so glad that I met him and Andy. It's nice to just have that male companionship (non-sexual) to fall back on sometimes. They're both so fucking intelligent, but I can also be stupid and gross and drunk without any pretense around them.
I can't be at my Dad's anymore, people. Any couches that are available for me to crash on for no more than a week at a time would be a welcome blessing right now.
While you're at it, anyone who can hook a brother up with a job would get oral sex. No questions asked.
I need to act again. I'm going crazy not doing what I was meant to do.
Times molested in sleep as of 8/29/05: 3
And love has indeed triumphed once again. Verdict? Complicated.
Insert "don't want to be alone anymore" rant.